Peculiar Okafor: Really, What is this Crinkum Crankum?

I recently stumbled upon an interview of
one of our law makers renowned for his
elaborate vocabulary and while I couldn’t
understand anything he said, one word
struck me ‘Crinkum Crankum.’ I was too
lazy to find out its meaning at that time so I
just decided to use it as an exclamation
especially about what’s going on in the
society.
When top management sends a mail like ‘ it
is highly expedient and tantamount that we
oxygenate these ideas and accelerate towards
an upward spike in numbers despite
recalcitrant and unrepentant economic
conditions’. I’m left to think ‘what is this
Crinkum Crankum?’ What about those who
send clear mails and spend time speaking to
us at staff meetings in a language we all
understand but you just have that gut
feeling that they either don’t understand the
issues or they are just being insincere or
political, so workers are like ‘quit with the
‘Crinkum Crankum’.
Bringing it home, when the older
generation complains about our generation
being unserious and engaging in criminal
and corrupt practices even though they are
the ones who give titles and awards to
people who amass wealth via questionable
means, you’ll agree me that that’s ‘Crinkum
Crankum’. Or Nigerians who spend hours
talking about the deplorable state of the
Nation yet offer bribes, give undue respect
and authority to the ‘Oyinbos’ (not saying
foreigners shouldn’t be treated properly)
and cut corners everywhere, that too is
‘Crinkum Crankum’.
And the guys who say they want the good
and understanding girls yet pay Runz girls
hundreds of thousands while their
‘understanding’ girlfriends have to beg for
ten thousand Naira, my people, that na the
real ‘Crinkum Crankum’. However, before
the girls start agreeing with me, when you
stay in abusive relationships, hate on one
another, and do anything for money yet
scream ‘girl power’, you don’t need me to
tell you that it’s ‘Crinkum Crankum’.
‘Crinkum Crankum’ is just like it sounds
‘Crinkum! Crankum!’. It’s when we don’t
help the poor around us but donate to save
the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Or a
when woman who treats her maid no better
than a slave always donates to the less
privileged.
It’s when we ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at the girl
with the poorly drawn eyebrows and
mismatched colors and even go as far as
saying ‘you look good’ only to talk behind
her back – The rule was ‘if you can’t say
anything nice, don’t say anything at all’ not
give a false compliment. It’s when we spend
millions giving our departed loved ones a
befitting burial when we never even said a
kind word to them when they were alive.
What about when our sports team starts
preparing barely 2 months to the Olympics
and expect to win all the gold medals- After
all, we serve a miracle working God abi?
C’mon people, that’s just ‘Crinkum
Crankum’. Or when we lament about our
musicians not singing wholesome songs and
at the same time play only the so called
‘unwholesome’ songs ignoring those with
‘content’. Don’t believe me? How many
‘inspiring’ musicians have been invited to
shows? I guessed as much ‘Crinkum
Crankum’.
In case you’re still wondering what
Crinkum Crankum is, it’s saying one thing
and meaning another. It’s being full of
twists and turns. It’s the things that happen
around us that remind me of the song by
Trybesmen ‘ e geti plenty plenty tinz wey no
suppose to happen for this world…’ In short,
it’s not being straight forward which leads
me to my next point:
Our leaders and law makers, 2015 is around
the corner; let’s pray the manifestos and
promises don’t become ‘Crinkum Crankum’!
PS: I did check the internet for the meaning
of Crinkum Crankum much later and the
definition I liked best was that of the free
dictionary ‘fanciful name for any object
that is full of twists and turns’.